I need to cut him out of my life. I know that. I know in order for me to move on, and find what/who I deserve, I need to cut him out of my life.
And I want to do that so that I can move on, but I don’t want to do that because I’m scared. I’m scared that I won’t find someone else.. scared I’ll be lonely. And most of all, scared that soon he’ll realize what he lost and want me back, and that maybe I’ll give in. Or maybe I’m more scared that he is actually over it, and he would never want to get back together. Yeah, I think that scares me more..
Either way, I’m not giving him the option to REALIZE what he lost, because I’m still there. I still give him sex, and I still text him and talk to him all the time, and do everything we did when we were a couple minus saying I love you, kissing goodbye (he gets mad when I do that) and holding hands. And I know that that’s a big problem. I know it should be different. I want it to be different, but I want things to just go back to how they were.
My plan, at the moment.. is to cut him out of my life. To tell him tonight when (if) I see him, that I think he’s wrong about us, and I think that we could work out.. but that I’m not going to keep letting myself get hurt to try to prove that. I’m no longer going to try to convince him that we should be together, or try to prove myself to him. If he doesn’t want me, then that’s his loss.
That’s my plan… but I don’t know if I’ll actually be strong enough to do it. I’m not even strong enough to just type this, because I now have a giant lump in my throat and my eyes are starting to go fuzzy. Wish me luck? I’ll need it, if I even do see him tonight.
1 Comment on “Goodbye?”
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I’m glad that you cut him out of your life because you will find someone better. You will find a reason to smile again. You will find happiness again. You just have to believe & hope that you do, because if you think you won’t, you will be crying for years. Don’t do that to yourself & be optimistic for a brighter future for you.
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