Growing up, whenever I was curious to learn more about my body parts & how babies were made I’d ask my parents. They knew I wasn’t stupid enough to fall for “the stork” story let alone Santa Claus so they gave me the biological truth. My dad always answered, “it’s when the sperm meets the egg,” which always prompted me to ask, “…but where is the sperm & where is the egg…?” I never got an answer & I remember asking my parents quite often. I used to ask them how little humans were created at dinner, but they always gave me the same reply. They never answered my second question & told me to stop talking so I could finish my dinner.
My 7 year old self was incredibly frustrated. What the heck was sperm? I knew what an egg was; it tasted great in the morning. Contrary to my last sentence, I never thought humans were related to poultry. I knew which sex had which gamete because of my mom yet I was never told where these gametes were located nor how they met. One afternoon, I had a revelation that I thought was too crazy not to tell my mom. While she was sitting on the toilet, I went up to her & said to her, “hey mommy, when you think about it, don’t you think a boy’s private parts fit perfectly with a girl’s private parts? Kind of like a hot dog in its bun?” My mom yelled at me for saying such “rubbish” & I felt like I just said my favorite country is Barbie in a presentation to my entire class. I walked away with my head slinking low thinking to myself, “I can’t be wrong, the parts fit like puzzle pieces!”
To say the least, I was a very sheltered child. Up until the 7th grade, I never fully understood the entire concept of sex. I understood that two people got naked & made out, but I had no idea that the penis went inside the vagina. My school didn’t offer any type of sex education; a bit ridiculous considering that my parents paid $7,000 per year for it. We surprisingly weren’t taught abstinence only either. When it came to the subject of sex or science, my school fell short by 20 km.
I first got a glimpse of what sex looked like when I watched this scene from an action movie. It wasn’t some 10 second TV show sex scene, it was a softcore porn scene. It made me feel tingly & I didn’t understand what was going on down below. When I was channel surfing one night, I stumbled upon this documentary on sex. I saw maybe 5 minutes of it before I switched the channel in fear of getting caught. It was only then that I fully understood the concept of sex & where the sperm & the egg live.
Throughout my years in high school, my parents never once gave me “the talk”. Not even one slightest hint of, “Jackie, you’re going to encounter some really horny teenage boys that want to put something in you, but you shouldn’t…because you’ll get Chlamydia & die.” Had they actually sat down & talked to me about sex, I wouldn’t have gave my virginity away to someone my friends nicknamed, “the pedophile”.
Don’t get me wrong, I knew full well at 15 going on 16 what sex was. I was told to save myself until I was married the way my parents did until I met Sam, the pedophile. I decided that I didn’t want to have sex until I thought I found love. Sam was my first love, first kiss, & unfortunately, my very first. I could say that he wasn’t very good in bed, that his penis was about 10-11 cm (4-4.5 inches), or that he lasted for 5 minutes, but none of those facts could erase the worst mistake of my life. I wasn’t even officially his girlfriend when we had sex–I just thought I loved him. I didn’t think he was “the one”, but I thought it was love. Shortly afterward, I realized that I didn’t love him anymore & that I deserved better. The pedophile cheated on me with several different girls over the course of 2 years, but I was too stupid & naive to leave him.
Had my parents actually been more open to talking to me about my future with boys & sex, I would’ve known better. I would’ve been able to come to my mom & tell her about the guys I liked instead of keeping my flings a secret. I only had sex with Sam once & hadn’t slept with anyone else until Justin. I told myself that I wouldn’t give myself away like that until I believed I met the guy I’d eventually marry. 3 years of celibacy later, I met Justin.
Just 2 weeks ago, my mom blatantly told me she knew I was having sex. I don’t know how she knows because it’s not like she ever caught us in the act; she probably assumed. I was speechless & let’s face it, I’m a horrible liar & I’m a bit old to be denying my sexual activity with my gorgeous man. I didn’t say anything, but neither did my mom. She didn’t give me “the talk”, she didn’t tell me to use condoms, she didn’t tell me she didn’t approve, she didn’t say anything at all. She’s lucky that I took an intro to Human Sexuality class & that I know how to baby/STI proof myself. Even though I know how to protect myself & Justin, it doesn’t mean I wouldn’t appreciate “the talk”. After all, I never got it before & I may be too old to receive it, but it’s better late than never. It’s advantageous to show your daughter that you want to make sure she’s making good choices than avoiding the topic.
