Justin & I have been separated for a few months shy from a year. I got over the relationship rather quickly especially after the absurd 2 week “break” that we took, which killed me every day. Every single day that I knew we were on a “break” made me cry miserably, but it surprisingly took me that same amount of time to get over the relationship. [Quick side note: breaks are incredibly stupid. If you need to go on a "break" with someone, just break-up with them, it is clear the relationship isn't working out. Either the two of you just aren't working anymore, or you've both forgotten what makes you happy that you've lost yourself.]

So, what happened with us? We took a major dip that I talked about, but then we also talked about it & rekindled what we had, or so I thought. Little did I know, Justin was “faking” it the entire time. When we broke up, he was clearly no longer the person I knew & fell in love with anymore. People change, it’s natural, but the person I was staring at with my eyes heavy with tears, was no longer someone I recognized. He had changed so much that I didn’t even know who he was anymore. He was rude, inconsiderate, cold, & selfish. I haven’t spoken to him since our break-up, but that was his choice since he promised that he’d keep in touch, but he didn’t. I don’t bother to contact him because I feel he doesn’t deserve the privilege to speak to me. It’s not much of a right, but what little of a right it is, it’s not something he deserves.

Since Justin, I’ve gone out so much that I at one point, landed myself someone–Tom–to have fun with on the weekends. I was casually seeing him & casually sleeping with him, but Tom is trying to play games with me by making me chase him. I know I’m pretty young, but I feel that I’m too damn old emotionally to be playing games. Does he want to get laid on a weekly basis or not? Last time I checked, he works way too much to go out looking for a girlfriend, so right now, I’m the next best thing & he’s said so himself. I’m not going to chase any guy I don’t see a future with, especially not him. So, I got over that & deleted his number from my phone to prevent drunk texting him. For someone of his age, you’d think that he’d be a little more mature, but he’s comparable to a Frat boy with money. That’s the last thing I need & I’d rather cut out the anxiety that brings me.

Now I’m back at square one: no guy (although there are some that are actively chasing me), enjoying the freedoms of being single & its lack of responsibilities, & exploring a whole new world that I never got to explore before. This year has been a bit of a roller coaster for me emotionally, but after my separation with Justin, I’ve been so happy with my life. I’m loving every minute of it & I’m in the best place & best age to be single.

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You know how everyone talks about how guys are so much better in college/uni than in high school? How you’ll find a guy once you go off to college? Okay, well maybe not everyone says that, but I have heard it a lot, both on TV and in real life.

I’ve been a university student for five weeks now, and I have to say it’s all talk. Really, it is.

My school isn’t small. There are over 40 thousand students at my school, almost 30 thousand of which are undergraduates, like me. I trek all across campus to go to my classes and to work, and I see new people every day. In my entire five weeks here, I have yet to see even one drool-worthy guy. Not one.

Sure, there are plenty of not unattractive guys. Hell, there are plenty of attractive guys. I just haven’t run into a single one that made me think, “I WANT.”

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one to date solely on looks. One look at two of my past boyfriends will tell you that much. But is a little eye candy too much to ask while I’m still enjoying the single life?

And on that note, Audrey, I’d say the single life is definitely overrated if you’re in a candy-less situation like mine.

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Looking back on the past, is, undeniably – a bitch. I hate doing it, but at the same time I have this creepy love for it. I love looking back on all the stuff that happened. When it comes to love, it’s no exception. I compare my current situation with situations in the past, look at how I fell in love with people. Why I fell in love. Why I never cherished being single and didn’t enjoy the time I had being single.

I actually regret it a little now. It’s almost like flirting was a sin.

LSS (Long Story Short): I kissed a guy called Mark. He followed me around, started following me partially the way home. I know that living near me was no excuse! He did not have to follow me around and try to talk to me and put his arm around me.

He was trying to console me about Cor. I dated Cor for about ten months on and off. Cor was younger but fairly mature – even though the more I got to find out about him, the more we fell apart and I realised he wasn’t willing to make sacrifices for me, and wasn’t willing to patch up differences or accept the fact that we had differences.

I was really upset about Cor so I guess I really appreciated Mark trying to make me feel better. Mark was a distant classmate of Cor’s – ergo, younger too.

After he followed me numerous times he tried to make me feel better when I was exceptionally upset. He held my hands and hugged me and then and there at the corner of my street he asked if I wanted to go out with him.

I was surprised.

My response was to kiss him.

I don’t know why I did it. But I thought, what the heck. Why not. Why not just jump in and make moves on guys and flirt with them… okay, those weren’t my exact thoughts. But running through my mind was the reality that Cor and I were over. I had to get over it. I felt like going out with Mark might be a good ol’ change.

Come on, I was fifteen. And the devil can stab me… well, in the form of my mother, who was screaming at me from our house further down the street. It fucking killed me; the way she hit me, screamed at me, told Mark I wasn’t home the next day when he popped by… told me to stay away from him, threatened to send me to another school…

The previous truth was: I hated Mark.

It’s not that we got off on a bad foot, or he said something nasty – it was just rumours I chose to believe – that he was a jerk, arrogant, loserish, and any kind of “fail” there possibly was. But, in reference to Jackie’s last post and the comment I made – I saw past that. You know, I love Wil right now for who he is, and his soul. I look past the way people look, the things I hear, and I see them as a different person.

Wil even told me that I saw past Jeremy, because his truth is that he thinks Jeremy is an ass. Bethany told me the same about myself. She said I am so different from her in that I give people a chance and I don’t judge them before knowing them properly, I look past the way they look and what I know distantly.

I saw the good side of Mark.

And curse my mother, for doing something so humiliating and prying thoughts into my mind, that inevitably made me realise that enjoying the single life was not worth it.

I regret that.

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